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Reprogram Your Tinder Brain

How To Reprogram Your Dating Brain For Love

In this article we’re going to talk about Tinder Burnout, getting past it and reprogramming your dating brain for love with five, easy tips.

To The Left, To The Left

Have you started to mentally swipe people left and right in real life? Do you bite your lip and get excited and if you’re honest, a little bit of a buzz when you’ve been told ‘Congratulations, you have a new match’? Have you found yourself genuinely happy about travelling to a new place, not because of what it has to offer, but because of the new people it has to offer on Tinder? If this sounds like you, you probably won’t be surprised to hear that you are definitely addicted to Tinder. You’re probably constantly swearing that Tinder is just so rubbish and you’re never going to use it again, because clearly your perfect match isn’t on there, and you’re going to end up Pied Piping all the cats home to live with you until you die and they eat you and…. Oooh new people, my perfect match might only be a swipe away! Sound familiar?

You need to go through our Tinder rehab. No we’re not going to put anti-Tinder mittens on you to stop you swiping (although that’s a great idea, we’ll note that down for Dragons Den), but we are going to talk about this Tinder epidemic that is actually doing more harm than good when it comes to finding love. Yep, you heard it here first – an app designed to help you find love, actually has the potential to stop you finding love…

 

How & Why This Is Affecting You

As you probably believed Tinder and apps similar to it might be the best thing since the dog Snapchat filter for your love life, you’re probably wondering how something that gets you so excited could be so bad? Well, let’s clarify, we certainly don’t think it’s bad, apps like Tinder are great for some things, like casual love, but they aren’t the best for serious love.

queek'd tinder BURNOUT

 

Many, many people are finding some level of success with apps like Tinder, if only just to feel there’s hope out there in terms of a match. However, many people are also experiencing something we like to call Tinder Burnout.

Tinder Burnout applies to any quick match app and is where you’re so used to repeating the same process of swiping mindlessly throughout the day, that you’ve actually just started to treat Tinder more like a game or an easy high. Like checking the new videos on Snapchat or scrolling to refresh on Instagram – it is a compulsion to see what’s new, After a while, the genuine interest in the posts is replaced by a habitual compulsion to check you’re not missing out. So you swipe and swipe, see all the new profiles and then go onto another app for a while, or make food, or workout, then go back on for more swiping with no real intention, always being driven by the mentality that the perfect profile is only one swipe away…..but where does it end?

If you are serious about dating and finding love, (and you’re tired of getting swipe cramp!), consider swapping Tinder for a traditional dating site or app that focuses on helping people like you create long term relationships. It’s time to reprogram your dating brain for real love and leave mindless swiping in your past, it’s time to consciously choose to get the love you deserve.

 

7 Signs You Might Need To Reprogram Your Dating Brain:

  • After a while you might find yourself saying there’s no one out there for you, whilst still using dating apps anyway.
  • You might find your messages become empty and boring because you’re just going through the motions
  • You notice that you’re always waiting for a better match
  • You’re not really reading profiles
  • You’re only logged on to tick off looking at new profiles, without any real intention to actively consider these profiles as love matches
  • You feel like you need to flick through as many profiles as possible because the ultimate profile is one swipe away.
  • You go on dates but when you get home you still check your messages even when you really like the person from the date.

 

Does this sound like you?

If this sounds like you, you’re definitely showing signs you really do need to reprogram your dating brain. It can be quite a shock to take a step back and realise how much time you’ve spent mindlessly going through profile after profile, or worse, how many lovely dates have been neglected in favour of you secretly searching for a ‘more perfect match’. If you’ve truly become a bit of a Tinder zombie, we can guarantee you’re probably not enjoying online dating any more, and possibly not really experiencing much success beyond the elusive and delicious ‘Congratulations’ message. Don’t fret though, there’s a better online dating life ahead of you with these 5 tips…

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5 Surefire Ways To Reprogram Your Dating Brain

 

1.Meditate

Meditate before you browse to avoid cognitive burnout. Cognitive Burnout or ‘Tinder Burnout’ as we like to call it, is where you get a tired achy, tense brain from mindlessly scrolling through profiles. Setting a meditation before you go to browse means your brain will be clear of all the day’s worries, and you’ll be refocused and refreshed, ready to browse with an open heart and you won’t end up getting burnt out by the end. Think of meditation before browsing like stretching before a run – necessary preparation for the best results.

 

  1. Limit The Profiles You See

Use a dating site that releases a limited amount of new matches, like Elite Singles or eHarmony. This will ensure you aren’t endlessly searching for the next best profile on any given day, because you will naturally view all the new people there are to see, bringing your browsing to a natural end, giving you the time and headspace to read the profiles properly and send a message if you feel inclined. It’s all about quality over quantity.

 

  1. Take Your Time

Take your time to select profiles you like and slowly, consciously read them properly. All too often we can get used to just looking at a profile picture, or maybe a few stats, then moving on to the next. How often do you really digest what a person is saying about themselves? Take a little time to read their profile and you might find a niche hobby you have in common, or find they are really funny and humour is your number one priority in a match – you can’t find any of this out if you don’t take the time to read the profiles you like properly.

 

  1. Make Your First Message Count

Make the effort to contact a match you like with an interesting first message that matters. This could be your only chance to get heard by the other person, so say something interesting and insightful, something that shows you have read their profile. Statistics say; don’t use sorry in your opening line, avoid ‘lol’ or ‘haha’, get your grammar right and make it longer than a tweet (source).

 

  1. Look Beyond Profile Pictures

Look past profile photos, and past image in general, beauty is only skin deep – the true chemistry will come when you get to know the person. You may read their profile and see they have an amazing sense of humour, or the way they move and carry themselves when you meet them could get you all flustered because confidence makes you weak at the knees. Remember that their image and yours is only a small percentage of the package, especially when you’re looking for a long term match.

 

Are You Ready To Reprogram Your Dating Brain For Success?

 

You’re going to find success dating in this new way, as long as you do it consciously. The success is all down to your mindset. You might want to fall back to your default behaviour of swiping and scrolling, and find yourself getting text neck and finger cramp, realising you’ve gone straight back into burnout behaviour, but you now know how to get out of that cycle and back onto the path towards success.

Now is the time to retract that eager swiping finger, and embrace your new, conscious, stronger method of dating online, because you are ready to reprogram your dating brain for success. You are ready to find a deeper, more meaningful connection.

 

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The Secret To Feeling Fantastic

Spring Clean Your Love Life From The Inside Out

Are you just starting out on the dating scene and feeling like you’ll never find a partner? Or dragging your way through summer exhausted from swiping left too many times? If this is you, now is the perfect time to give your love life a spring clean so that you can glow from within and feel amazing again. It’s always good to give yourself a bit of an MOT and make yourself the best version of you, to ensure that you stay right on track of your soulmate journey. This does not involve buying a new gym membership, going on an extreme diet or buying an entirely new wardrobe and changing your hair colour. But it does involve taking practical steps that will give you that much needed pizzazz you are missing right now. This isn’t just any old dating advice, this Transformational Dating Advice, to help you attract that all important soulmate, from the inside out.

3 Tips To feel Transformed

Your Love Life

This does not exclusively relate to a life partner or date, this includes everyone you are able to give love to, and who gives you love in return. This could be your Mum, your dog, your best mate or even the elderly gentleman in the care home who loves to talk to you about his adventures in the Navy. You must surround yourself with positivity in order to feel great, and sometimes people are lucky enough to be surrounded by love, and sometimes you have to give love in order to receive it. Do you make enough effort to stay connected with your family? Do you have a social life that satisfies you? Have you been hiding from the dating scene for a while? Do you do any voluntary work that involves you giving people love that really need it?

Paying attention to ALL areas of your love life will help you fill your own heart with love. Arrange a family get together, join a new club and make new friends, invest in a dating site and dip your toe into the pool of digital dating or sign yourself up for an afternoon in a dogs home or even a care home to brighten up someone else’s life for a day. Work on your love life (all of it) and nurture all the different types of love you are surrounded by.

Body Blog Queek'd

Your Body

Your body will never be what you want it to be if you constantly give it hate. Giving it hate does not just mean standing and looking in the mirror and thinking ‘why do you have to be so lumpy?’ or ‘why can’t you be symmetrical?’. It also means filling it with rubbish, neglecting to stretch it out and make it sweat, and covering it in unflattering clothes that contribute to mirror avoidance. Your body is a temple. Your body deserves worshipping and if you give it positivity, you will get positivity in return. First and foremost you must be kind to your body by giving it the nutrients that it needs. Even something as simple as dehydration can give you a headache, make you feel tired, make your skin dull and give you a low mood. Some simple changes to your diet could be all you need to get you feeling fabulous. Drink more water, do something that makes you move and sweat every single day and eat a rainbow (not the E number laden sweetie kind!). You have to be willing to give something to get something out.

The next thing you need to do is pay attention to how you treat your body on the outside. Do not beat yourself up for wearing makeup or taking pride in your appearance – ever. If it makes you feel good, do it. However if you’re putting on tons of makeup to hide what you consider to be an ugly face, or you’re wearing certain clothes in order to hide what you consider to be an ugly body, you must make a change. There is a difference between hiding yourself, and accentuating your best bits. So it’s time to strip yourself bare and give yourself some love. Pick out the best bits of your body and your face and smile about how amazing they are. Then pick out the parts you hate and accept them. You can do whatever you want to change elements of yourself you don’t like (face masks, exercise etc) but if you don’t accept all of you as you are now, you won’t love yourself enough to walk out the door today and feel fabulous. Love who you are now, and you will have the passion inside you to commit to positive change. Hate yourself as you are now and you won’t care about yourself enough to make vital improvements that lead to positivity.

Beautiful picture by Dejenee Shiflet

Beautiful picture by Dejenee Shiflet

Your Mind

Your mind, your soul and your emotional well-being are so important. SO important. If you don’t feel happy, or motivated, or content, you’re not going to truly live and feel alive. No one should tell you not to feel sad, or down, or angry if that is how you feel. These are negative emotions but often it’s our lack of accepting these emotions that causes the problems, not feeling them in the first place. If you feel something negative, accept that feeling and let yourself feel that way. What you mustn’t do is be consumed by these negative feelings. Accept the feelings, feel them and then move forward. The way you move forward is dependant on the negative feelings. Sometimes they can be fixed with a chocolate bar, sometimes they need more attention and require a trip to the doctors or a heart to heart with a friend. When you are mindful of your feelings and aware of them, you can then take steps to move on from them. You cannot be mindful of your emotions when you are consumed by them all the time. So recognise the emotions you have, let them happen and then when your mind is able, think about why you feel how you do and how you can stop feeling that way again. Never beat yourself up for feeling negative emotions, ever. Sometimes negative emotions should be embraced, because they mean you’re human and you’re alive and feeling. But if you’re often consumed by sadness, or anger or low moods that’s when you need to think about making a change. Exercise is fantastic for lifting moods naturally. Or maybe you don’t spend enough time with people you love, which is also a natural mood lifter. Do you get stressed often? Perhaps you need to commit to having at least an hour of ‘mind clearance’ time every day. Where you perhaps write everything on your mind down on paper, leave the list on the table away from you and have a bath reading a magazine or listening to your favourite music. Whatever you need to do to become more mindful and aware of your emotions, do it and seek to improve your emotional wellbeing. The first step is recognition, the second step is acceptance, the third step is making a change.

 

‘A fantastic you, attracts a fantastic soulmate.’ – Queek’d

 

Ready to start your soulmate journey? Compare the best UK dating sites here.

 

 

 


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12 Warning Signs You’re Dating A Conman

12 Warning Signs You May be Dating a Conman

by Nicola May

(Guest Post)

I am a total advocate for internet dating. In fact I had a long term relationship with somebody I met through Match.com in my thirties and have been on some fun Tinder dates.

But however successful the various mediums of dating there are out there, it is important to highlight that in this modern technological world, liars, cheats and criminals can easily sneak amongst us.

I class myself as an intelligent woman, but when love came calling a couple of years ago, I was completely blown away by the intensity of passion and excitement of a new relationship and every single red warning flag went unoticed. Luckily the outcome for me was not a bad one, I didn’t hand over any money and all that got bruised was my heart.

Initially, I felt a fool for being taken in, but rather than pretend it didn’t happen I decided to take the positive angle and make as many women as possible aware that clever men like these are at large in our society. It also thankfully gave me a great plot strand for my new novel, Love Me Tinder, in order to help me do this.

I won’t put any plot spoilers out there, but if you read my book, you will hopefully never date or get caught by a conman in any shape or form.

From my own personal experience, here are 12 warning signs that may also help you spot a wrong’un.

  1. He is younger than you, handsome and charming
  2. You live in a decent area and have a good job
  3. Photos on his profile are either very small or not clear. He takes profile down after one date, saying he doesn’t need to look any further
  4. He escalates the intimacy in the relationship at lightning speed
  5. He drives an expensive car
  6. He has a really good job in which he is away for long periods of time (ie: Formula 1, so travel a great ruse for having no fixed abode and not being available very often)
  7. He doesn’t always have his phone when he comes to your house, may say he’s forgotten it, it’s being fixed (just in case you ask to see photos of his work, friends etc.)
  8. He says it is easier to message rather than speak on the phone
  9. Due to his job being so full on, he would rather spend cosy time alone with you than go out (avoiding CCTV and spending money on you)
  10. He is insistent that nobody else is in the house when he visits as wants you all to himself (ie lodger/friend popping by – doesn’t want his face to be known)
  11. He tells you that he’s brought the newest watch, has a holiday home in South of France etc., (to affirm his wealth, hence prove he is not after your money)
  12. He will wait a few weeks until he thinks he’s groomed you enough and then will try his monetary scam on you

 

Basically, if somebody appears too good to be true then they probably are!

 

You can download Love Me Tinder here:

Twitter: nicolamay1

Website: http://www.nicolamay.com

Biography

Nicola lives with Stanley her rescue cat. She has a penchant for Prosecco, ripe peaches and flapjacks. Love Me Tinder is her eighth novel.

#QueekdGuestPost

 


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11 Reasons Why You Should Chase Her

Men & The Thrill Of The Chase

As a guy in the modern dating world, you are exposed to millions of different potential love matches all the time. Through friends of friends, at work, through social media and via various great online dating sites. So it’s no wonder it can be easy to get lazy and forget how to actively pursue a woman. However, there are lots of reasons the thrill of the chase is not only great for her, but great for you as well. Of course there will be occasions where you might have a one night stand or a brief fling, or even just a flirty conversational flutter – but when you find a girl you deem worthy of pursuing, it’s time to go back to basics and pursue her the old fashioned way.

Queek'd Chase her....

Why It’s Good For You

1. Getting To Know Her

The chasing stage relates to getting to know the girl you like properly. This helps you know if she’s a good match for you.

2. Natural Instincts

It is in a man’s natural instinct to hunt, not to be hunted. So if a girl is pursuing you, you’re probably going to struggle a little with what to do with that. Pursuing a girl yourself allows you to go right back to basics and carry out your natural instincts – and it feels good!

3. Excitement

Chasing a girl makes you feel excited, and giddy. When she agrees to go on a date with you, when she drops her guard a little and talks to you more. It’s a natural adrenaline rush you crave as a man, and one that could potentially lead you to finding ‘the one’.

4. It’s A Winning Formula

You want the woman, and the woman wants to be pursued so it really is win win. You’ll see below why it guarantees you get a chance with that special someone you’re interested in dating.

5. Putting Her On A Pedestal

Everyone deserves to be put on a pedestal once in a while and be seen as something unattainable. Chasing a woman makes you automatically put her on a pedestal, making her feel more special to you in the long run. It also stops you forming early habits of taking her for granted.

6. You’ve Earnt It

If and when you do finally ‘get the girl’ so to speak, you’ll know you have really worked for her affections. Of course you should both be seen as equals in the relationship, but there’s something very romantic about a man actively going out of his way to pursue a woman, it shows he cares and sees her as ‘worth’ phenomenal effort.

7. You’ll Get The Best Of Her

If you work to earn her trust, you’ll get the best of all of her – her vulnerability, her strength, her humour, her trust. You actively work to get her emotional barriers down, which means you get to know the real her.

 

Why It’s Good For Her

8. It’s Exciting

She gets just as giddy as you do at your communications and efforts. No matter what kind of woman she is, she will at the very least find your efforts cute.

9. Her Friends And Family Will Give You A Chance

By actively pursuing the woman you like, you will earn her affections and will automatically get a free pass to acceptance by her family and friends. They see their friend/ family member as being amazing and worthy of someone taking the time to earn their trust and affections. By doing that, her friends and family will automatically see you in a great light.

10. She’ll Get Romance

Women love romance and to be fair, who doesn’t? Romance doesn’t have to come in the shape of chocolates and a bunch of flowers, it can be a thoughtful text, home cooked meal or tag in a picture you know she would find funny. Romance is all about making someone feel special, so by pursuing her you’ll be starting your relationship off on a great note.

11. She’ll Feel More Secure

If a woman has been on lots of rubbish dates before, or has been in rubbish relationships she may feel insecure and guarded. Pursuing her properly gives her time to trust you and trust you’re not going to be just another moron to add to the list.

So now you know about just some of the benefits of ‘chasing’ the woman you like, it’s time to go through the basics of how to do it properly. You might think you know what you’re doing, but some guys get the ‘chasing stage’ very wrong!

 

Why Do I Have To Chase Her?

You have to chase her because old fashioned dating works. Yes you can use technology to meet people, in fact online dating is a great way to make potential love matches. But it can become like a conveyor belt where you become detached from what it really means to get to know someone properly. So if you chat to someone and meet them, and find you have chemistry and see her as a potential love match – do it the old fashioned way and chase her. Text her, write her love notes, make her dinner and make her feel special. She’ll enjoy it just as much as you, and it really does start your relationship on a romantic note.

Let us help you get start. Find the right dating site…Here!!

 

 


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Tits and Arse

Is This Really What All Men Think About?

Did you know that both men and women decide if they fancy someone within the first few minutes of meeting? That’s quite a lot of pressure on that first date outfit right?

It’s lovely to think that our dazzling, beautiful eyes and all natural (honest!) fluttering lashes will have our date experiencing a lower body fluttering of his own when he first sees us, but do men really pay any attention to anything above the neck? Lets face it men are commonly asked if they prefer boobs or bums, and they will usually have a quick answer to that rarely stating ‘actually I like earlobes’ or ‘I really like a sense of humour’. They may go into more detail about what they like when they get to know a girl, but initially, does it go any further than those jiggly bits we girls tether up front and back?

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Do Men Really Only Look at Tits and Arse? Click here to find out more http://ow.ly/bZnw302eBI6

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What’s The Right Age To Settle Down

Should I settle down?

A complex question discussed by all of us at some point, usually without a defining answer or conclusion.

The reason that this question does not have a definite answer is because there simply is no ‘right’ age to settle down. Wouldn’t it be easy if we all had a set path and age to nest up, root down, spread our seeds and truly settle for good. For some the thought of that is an absolute nightmare, which is precisely why this common question cannot be answered easily.

So why isn’t there a ‘right’ age to settle down?

Because times have changed, epically. Only a few decades ago you would have still found many people conforming to the traditional age range of marrying and getting pregnant in your late teens or 20’s. Now there is much more focus, influence and accessibility in the way of career, upbringing, financial status, sexuality, IVF and various other anomalies that affect this so called ‘right age’.

Read the full article….HERE!!


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Online Dating Tips: Confidence is key

 

Here are my 3 top online dating tips on how to date in today’s fast paced technology driven world. If your new to online dating or haven’t dated for a while, my guide will teach you how to practise being more confident, how to find the right dating site and online personas vs offline personas.

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